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Don't Go Far Off (Pablo Neruda)

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

Because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back?
Will you leave me here, dying?

Taking the Plunge - Part V

You know what, I find it really funny that sooo many people asked me either one of these three questions upon discovering that I'm already wearing tudung:

"Kau nak kahwin ke?"

"Kau dah kahwin ke?"

"Boyfriend kau suruh kau pakai tudung ke?"

It's like, helllooooo!!! What makes them think I would simply do this for the sake of somebody else? Nak tergelak pun ada gak!!

Today, a friend/colleague of mine, Mr. I asked me over lunch with a bunch of other friends: "Your boyfriend paksa you pakai tudung ke?"

And I replied: "Of course not! I listen to nobody, okay! If I want to do something, it's because I want to do it, not because of somebody else...I have a mind of my own, you know..."

"Now, that's my girl!!!" my friend said.

Oh, and just to set the record straight, I don't even have a boyfriend to begin with, he!he!he!

So people, jangan la buat spekulasi yang bukan-bukan...kelakar la!;-)

Never Be The Same Again

One of the best songs EVER written!!

BZ................

It's almost 9 o'clock at NIGHT and I just got out from a very important meeting at the office.

And I still have speeches to write, reports to translate and drafts to edit.

Figures to calculate, emails to send, queries to entertain, the list goes on...

Four major events back-to-back in less than two weeks' time.

Two huge projects currently ongoing.

To say that I'm extremely busy now would be an understatement.

Sometimes, I wonder how my sanity is still intact...

I SERIOUSLY NEED THAT RITTER SPORT CHOCOLATE BAR NOW, UWAAAAAAA!!!!!

Angel

Di mana ada dia
di situ ada kegembiraan.

Di mana ada dia
di situ ada kemarahan.

Di mana ada dia
di situ ada ketenangan.

Di mana ada dia
di situ ada keraguan.

Di mana ada dia
di situ ada cahaya.

Happy Mother's Day, Emak!

First of all, I would like to wish a "Happy Mother's Day" to all the mothers out there, especially to my own mom!!

To Emak,

Thanks for loving me.

Thanks for scolding me (kalau tak marah, tak sayang namanya, kan?).

Thanks for understanding me.

Thanks for being patient with me.

Thanks for making sure I memorised my "sifir" and did all my homework when I was at primary school.

Thanks for pushing me to my limits when it comes to my studies until I've become what I am now. I hope I've made you proud!!

Thanks for buying me that doll when I was six years old - using the leftover money that you had from your "duit pasar" - when you knew that we couldn't really afford it at that time.

Thanks for cooking the best ever gulai tempoyak in the world for me.

Thanks for sending me the latest albums by Ella via Poslaju when I was studying in the States.

Thanks for forgiving me.

And,
Thanks for praying for me.

Emak,

Funny, isn't it: When I was younger, we spent most of the time arguing with each other...Yet, as I grew older - and after Abah left us all - we got closer and have finally found peace with each other.

Emak,

I'm sooo sorry for all the hurt and headaches that I've caused you in the past.

In fact, my main mission in life now is to make you happy.

I hope I will not dissapoint you this time around.

I love you, Emak.

Always have, always will.

Hugs & Kisses,
Elly


My mom & I (Pix was taken in March this year)

Taking the Plunge - Part IV

Alhamdulillah, hari ni genaplah seminggu saya memakai tudung:-)

Perasaan saya? Honestly, better than I expected!

Saya rasa sangat gembira...And rasa lebih selamat... And yang paling tak sangka sekali, lagi ramai la pulak yang nak mengorat, ha!ha!ha!(an unexpected after-effect, I must say...)

Dalam hal ini, saya amat berterima kasih kepada keluarga dan kawan-kawan yang telah banyak memberikan sokongan. Reaksi teman-teman yang semuanya positif tambah menguatkan lagi semangat saya:-)

Namun, yang paling saya tersentuh sekali apabila salah seorang teman saya, Mas, benar-benar terharu melihat saya bertudung - sehingga dia siap menitiskan airmata!! Itulah reaksi yang paling saya tak sangka sekali. Saya pun terharu la jugak bila dia terharu!

Anyway, have a nice weekend you people!:-D

Take care & God bless!!

Foolish Games

Love this song. Love SINGING this song.

Love HER.

Muchas Gracias Mis Amigos!

Bestnyeee!!!

My company recently held an Area Manager (AM) Summit at a hotel outside KL, which meant that all the AMs were in town until today - which meant that my best buddy, Megat and my other AM friends such as Ritz, Fadhli and Ainal were around, yeayyy!!:-D

Since the AMs are scattered, I mean, based all over the country, we only have the chance to meet each other in a group either during my visit to their respective regions, or if they have an event in KL.

Hence, we grabbed this rare opportunity to hang out together today after work at Dome, Suria KLCC - just to chat and having a good time poking fun at each other, he!he!

Plus, they were also eager to see me with my new image, he!he!

Alhamdulillah, they were very supportive...and Ritz, who'd just shaven his hair bald recently, even joked: "Tengok, aku siap cukur rambut lagi sebab Elly pakai tudung, ha!ha!ha!"

Anyway, we really had blast!!! You guys are the best, dudes!!!:-D

BTW, here are some snapshots of us taken today!

Taking the Plunge - Part III

I still remember the advice given to me by a good friend of mine before I started wearing the tudung:
"Awak tak perlu lah risau...Saya pasti bila awak dah pakai tudung nanti banyak kebaikan yang akan datang dalam hidup awak..."

Gosh, he was soooo right.

I feel so blissfully happy ever since I started wearing the headscarf last Saturday.

And I'm much, much happier because I know my family members, especially my mom, are happy too with this decision of mine:-)


Anyway, let me share with you my #1 favourite comment of all with regards to my tudung-wearing. It came from my fellow colleague, Anuar S.

Upon seeing me for the first time with tudung, he immediately sang a nasyid song - complete with the relevant hand gestures! Then he exclaimed:
"Rock on! ROCK SUCI!!!" :-D

Taking the Plunge - Part II

Today is my third day wearing tudung (headscarf) - albeit my first day wearing it to the office - and I'm soooo happy!

In fact, I'm beginning to enjoy this whole tudung-wearing thingy!

So far, reaction from colleagues have been positive:-D But the best part was to see the shocked face of my big boss the minute I entered her office to discuss something.

"Oh my God, is that you?!!!" she gasped.

"Betul ke ni???"

You see, she simply couldn't believe it, he!he!

Anway, here are some of the comments from my friends and co-workers (ALL of them just couldn't believe their eyes when they first saw me with my head covered!):

"You look really classy!" Farhan said.

"Lawa!" Mala blurted out.

"You look very nice!" remarked Nini.

"Comelnyaaa!" gushed Ina.

"You look demure," Sugu noted.

"Sweet-lah! Macam budak baik!" Asy commented.

Speaking of budak baik, I can't help but laugh each time I look at the mirror because I DO look like a freakin' good girl now, HA!HA!HA!

But then again, I AM a good girl, u know!he!he!*wink*wink*

Taking the Plunge

Alhamdulillah, pada 05.05.07 doa Emak (dan Abah saya juga) telah dimakbulkan Tuhan:-)

Setelah sekian lama memasang niat – yang banyak kali tertangguh kerana saya rasa saya belum 100% bersedia - akhirnya pada tarikh tersebut saya telah menunaikan kewajipan saya sebagai seorang wanita Muslim dengan menutup aurat, FINALLY! (he!he!)

Coincidentally, "5" and "7" happen to be my favourite/lucky numbers, so I guess it is indeed a good time for me to actually take the plunge on that date!:-D

Maaf ya, bukan la saya berniat nak menunjuk-nunjuk di blog ni, konon-kononnya saya ni budak baik sebab dah pakai tudung – hell no!! Saya sedar diri saya ini masih jauh dari perfect sebab saya ini hanyalah seorang manusia biasa yang dah terlalu banyak buat dosa sebelum ini…

It’s just that I feel that I need to jot about it here in my blog, because to me, wearing the tudung is a significant step in my life. In fact, it signifies a HUGE commitment on my part.

Hence, as much as I am happy with this decision, at the same time, I am also nervous.

And scared.

BIG TIME.

Why? Because believe it or not, I personally think that wearing tudung is an even bigger commitment than getting married because it symbolizes your commitment to God, while marriage symbolizes your commitment to another human being.

Which is why, I always told my friends yang tiba-tiba teringin nak pakai tudung: “Don’t do it if you you’re not ready. And don’t do it because of others. Because if you wear tudung kerana terpaksa atau kerana orang lain - bukan di atas keikhlasan atau kesedaran diri sendiri – chances are extremely high that one day, you will eventually bukak your tudung.”

I know it because I’ve been there, done that. You see, saya ni dulu budak sekolah agama (i.e. WAJIB pakai tudung kat sekolah), so masa tu pakai memang sebab terpaksa. Last-last lepas habis SPM, tudung pun melayang, he!he!

In this regard, saya amat bersyukur kepada Allah s.w.t. kerana masih sayangkan saya dengan memberikan hidayahNya dan menggerakkan hati saya untuk membuat keputusan ini.

Sebenarnya, dah lama saya teringin nak pakai tudung, but I told myself that I will only do it once I’ve managed to fulfill all these three “criteria”:

1) I want to make sure first yang solat saya dah cukup lima waktu sehari on a consistent basis - because to me, tak guna pakai tudung kalau tak sembahyang;

2) I want to make sure first yang perangai saya pun dah tudung-compliant (i.e. dah tak buat perangai2 yang tak senonoh dan sewaktu dengannya.) Sebab saya paling pantang sekali orang yang pakai tudung tapi perangai macam siut;

3) I want to make sure first yang wardrobe saya pun dah tudung-compliant, he!he! (Looks like my prized baby-Ts collection will only be worn at home after this, ahaks!!)

The first ones to know about my intention to wear tudung were my mom, sisters and in-laws. Emak was sooooo happy, she even accompanied me to Jalan Masjid India to buy tudung (I ended up buying 17 pieces from one single stall – no kidding!) My sisters were also very supportive and so were my brothers-in-law.

Mala was the first friend to know about my decision. Her immediate reaction was: “Sure budak-budak kat ofis ingat aku yang influence kau pakai tudung, ha!ha!”

The next person to know was my long-time friend and fellow university-mate Juja. Juja, who just wore tudung recently, gave me this priceless piece of advice:
“Bila kau pakai tudung nanti, dugaannya memaaaang lah banyak. Dan dugaan tu pulak, bukannya datang daripada orang lain, tapi daripada dalam diri kau sendiri. Kau akan sentiasa rasa: “Ala, tak cantikla aku pakai tudung,” or “Ala, aku nampak tua la pakai tudung…walhal orang lain kata sebaliknya, so you have to be really prepared for that. And you need to get good support from your family and friends coz godaan untuk bukak tudung tu memang for sure akan ada.”

Hendi was the third friend to know my intention and he happened to be the first person to congratulate me (padahal masa tu tak pakai lagi, he!he!).

This was followed by my good friend, Zali, who pledged his full support. “Saya akan sokong awak 200 peratus,” he said.

Sabrina, who is in Australia, was next. “Kau mesti yakin…Dan hati kena keras!” she said via Yahoo Messenger when I told her that my greatest fear was not wearing the tudung per se, but that I might be tempted to “un-tudung” myself one day…

As for my best friend Asy, I was initially hesitant to tell her about my plan as I didn’t know what her reaction would be. It turned out that she was very happy for me and she promised me wearing the tudung will not in any way change our friendship. “Bestnya, Tuhan berikan hidayah kat you,” she said and we later hugged each other. Thanks Asy!

My long-lost schoolmate cum dorm-mate at Kolej Islam Sultan Alam Shah, Klang -Fauziah - who finally managed to contact me recently after all those years, told me this (surprisingly, she was not biased against me at all when she knew I was not wearing tudung back then, post-KISAS): “Laily, kalau pakai tudung nanti, pakai cantik-cantik tau! Sure comel macam masa kau kat sekolah dulu!”

To all my dear friends out there, I sincerely hope that you too, will give me your support in this new journey of mine. Doakan agar saya akan dapat terus ber-istiqamah (being consistent), ya!

Rest assured that I am still the same old (crazy!) me, but I do hope to be a better person with the arrival of each new day:-)

Take care, people...and May God bless you all!

Betty, My Hero

Do you guys still remember the hugely popular Spanish-language telenovela from Colombia, “Yo Soy Betty La Fea” (I Am Betty, The Ugly)?

I am sure most of you still do!

Indeed, I am a massive fan of Betty La Fea as I could relate very well to its story line and the lead character – who else, but Betty – played superbly by the beautiful Ana Maria Orozco!

Even though there’s already an English version of the show called “Ugly Betty” – helmed by the pretty and talented America Ferrera - I still prefer the original Spanish language version.

In the show, Betty is a kind-hearted, sweet natured and intelligent girl but unfortunately, she is also timid and unattractive (read: ugly). That is why she is constantly bullied at the office, especially by the blonde super-bitch Patricia.

UGLY BETTY:

And the sucky thing is, Betty is a trained economist with a Masters degree in her CV, yet she was only hired (initially) as a lowly assistant at her company.

To make things worse for Betty, she fell for her handsome boss Armando – played by the muy, muy caliente Jorge Enrieque Abello – who also happens to be a mean-spirited, insincere, skirt-chasing, womanizing and unfaithful playboy. Yup, Armando just lurrrrvess to chase hot girls despite having a gorgeous fiancée in the form of Marcela Valencia.

Weirdly enough, but still, as expected, Betty fell for Armando. And Armando manipulated Betty. And Betty took all his crap. Until one day she’s simply had enough and she left Armando and his company – which later fell into deep sh*t.

It was only when Betty was gone that Armando realized that he too, has actually fallen for her. Despite her “ugliness”, Betty has an inner beauty that is simply unmatched by anybody he had ever known, including his hot fiancée.

So Armando tried to win Betty back, but Betty bolayan (padan muka!) Until one day, his company was in really big trouble and he simply didn’t know what else to do except to ask for Betty’s help. After all, only Betty knows the company’s business and accounts very well.

Despite her initial reluctance, Betty agreed to return to help him save his company. And tadaaaa, she’s no longer the ugly Betty. Instead, Betty has transformed herself to GORGEOUS Betty!

Gone were the braces, the oily hair and the horrendous thick glasses. Enter the va-va-voom Amazonian Goddess.

HOT BETTY:

But Betty told Armando that she would only help him save his company under one condition: Armando must stay away from her at all cost and he could only talk to her strictly on professional basis. Period.

And he agreed. After all, he was really desperate.

Mula-mula tu, Betty memang avoid Armando habis-habisan and would only discuss business-related matters with him. But by then, Armando has miraculously transformed himself from a self-centred, spoiled brat to a really nice person! Mula-mula tu, memang la Betty tak percaya kat dia…but thanks to his persistent effort to prove himself, he managed to win Betty over. So sweeeett……………

Anyway, Betty taught me three important lessons about life….

Lesson number one: Good girls always win in the end, okayyyyyy!!!

Lesson number two: Good looks can easily be obtained by a make-over, but a good heart is not that easy to find...

Lesson number three: Never, ever underestimate an ugly duckling. Coz the ugly duckling could one day transform to a beautiful swan - and SHE will have the last laugh!

HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

Life is Just Too Short (In Memory of Zaidi & Fahmi)

Author's note: This entry was originally posted in my previous blog "Malamku Bermimpi".

Once upon a time, shortly after I graduated from university, I used to work as a teacher at a secondary school in Bagan Serai, Perak - the students of which mostly come from padi-farming families from the surrounding kampungs.

Despite my measly salary back then of around RM1,400++ per month (waaaayyy before teachers got a salary revision and the many perks that they are currently enjoying), my monthly expenditure however, only totalled to about RM300 a month, thus leaving me with a net cash of about RM1,000 which I hardly touched 'coz there's no shopping complex at all at Parit Buntar back then (I commuted daily from Parit Buntar, where my family was staying, to Bagan Serai daily by bus). In fact, the most "happening" spot in town during that period was the Billion Supermarket.

As such, I ended up as a (relatively) cash rich young woman in a small town with nothing to do. I am not ashamed to say that the most exciting thing I did in Parit Buntar to kill a boring weekend was to take up a one-day make-up course organised by the local Mustika Ratu salon;-D (No, they don't have Estee Lauder, Clinique or Stila in Parit Buntar back then or even until today. But fortunately, a Watson's just got opened there a couple of years ago!)

To be frank, I really enjoyed my one-year stint as a teacher. I honestly enjoy teaching, and I find teaching kampung students truly fulfilling as they really know how to appreciate teachers - unlike most smart-ass city kids who tend to think they are far more superior than their cikgus.

Also, jadi cikgu ni rezeki memang berkat - provided you memang ikhlas in doing it.

In fact, I seriously think that my one year period as a teacher could possibly be my biggest investment in terms of saham akhirat to-date, since my religion clearly says that if you part down ilmu (beneficial knowledge) to someone else, and that knowledge is continually used for the good of people and continued to be spread around, you will continue to get the pahala even long after you're dead.

Being a 23-year old teacher surrounded by hormone-fuelled teenage students back then, I naturally was popular among the kids - but hey, not only the boys adored me, but the girls also loved me, coz I treated them more like friends & younger sisters.

Although all good teachers treat their students equally well, of course, each of them must have a pet student (or even maybe several pet students) on their own. And that includes me.

My favourite student of all was a good-looking young man named Zaidi. He was 17 years old when I first joined the school, so our age difference was only about six years *wink*wink*

In my eyes, Zaidi can be considered as a quite nakal boy and his grades were more on the average side, yet I know that with the right coaching, he could do even better as he's actually a very intelligent boy deep down inside. And I also can tell that he's actually a good boy, who only happens to have a crush on his own teacher, ahaks!

Did I mention that Zaidi love to cari pasal with me in class and also outside class, just to get my attention? hehehe...He'd do anything while I was in class so that I would scold him and pinch him in the arm:-P

Although he was not that brilliant in academics, Zaidi certainly excelled in sports. He played football and volleyball for school, and was also good in athletic events. In fact, Zaidi was the school's Sportsman of the Year during the time I was teaching there.

And despite his "naughtiness" I always have a soft spot for Zaidi coz' I know he's actually a good kid. Plus, he also knows how to "bodek" me by always being the first to offer me his help in carrying the pile-high exercise books to the teacher's room. And during recess time he would always found a way to bump into me every day at the school's corridor just to greet me with a "Good morning, teacher!" with a big grin on his face.

After a year, I quit teaching altogether and left to KL for a greener pasture. Even though I loved teaching so much, I felt that I was still so young and I don't want to be caged in a small town doing the same thing and seeing the same people every day.

In other words, I wanted to make it big in the city.

I wanted to see the world.

And I left my students with a heavy heart.

And I left Zaidi.

I totally lost contact with my students shortly afterwards, but I constantly wondered how they were doing after they finished their SPM exams. Did they do well? Did they get to go to any university or polytechnic? Did they straight away go to work in the many factories in Penang, which was a popular choice among the school leavers in that particular area?

Nine years passed.

Last September, on my way back from Sungai Petani to Ipoh, I stopped by at the Gunung Semanggul R&R for dinner. While waiting for my teh halia to be ready, a girl at the drinks stall suddenly asked: "Ini Cikgu XXXXXX ke?"

I was stunned.

"Adik student S.M.xxxx ke? I asked back.

"Ya!"

Oh my God, after nine years (and several extra kilograms!) one of my students still recognise me! And she still calls me "Cikgu"!

I was sincerely touched.

The feeling was PRICELESS.

We chatted for a while and before I left, this student of mine casually blurted a question: "Cikgu kenal tak dengan Zaidi?"

"Yang olahragawan sekolah tu ke?"

"A'ah, yang kiut-kiut tu..."

"Mestilah kenal...Dia apa cite sekarang?"

"Dia dah meninggal tahun lepas..."

"Hah?"
I was stunned and speechless for a while.

"Dia meninggal kenapa?" I asked the girl.

"Dia kena santau." She replied.

"What?" How can somebody do such a horrible thing to such a good soul?!!!

He doesn't deserve to die that way. Certainly not at the young age of 25!

"Fahmi cikgu kenal tak, yang pakai spek dan lembut-lembut tu?" That girl asked me again.

"Yang pandai tu kan? Kenal..." I answered, still in shock, as I digested the news of Zaidi's death.

"Dia pun dah meninggal tahun lepas..."

"HAH?!"

"Dia meninggal sebab barah otak..."

At that moment, I thought I was in a movie or TV3's Cerekarama or sinetron or something like that. This cannot happen in real life! TWO of my favourite students died at the young age of 25 and fairly tragic deaths at that!

I thought I was going to faint there and then.

You see, Fahmi was also another student of mine who was very close to me back then. He's such a hardworking student and he always asked for my advice whenever he had any problems - both academic and personal. A very manja anak-emak type he was, but intelligent indeed.

And he's also no longer here...

Both Zaidi and Fahmi left us, the far older folks, to meet their Creator.

Two young men with very promising future...

"Allah lebih sayangkan diorang..."That was my mom's reply to a distraught me after I told her about the death of Zaidi & Fahmi later that night.

How right she is.

Zaidi & Fahmi, Cikgu harap semoga roh kamu berdua dicucuri rahmat dan semoga kamu berdua juga tenang di sisiNya. Semoga kalian ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang soleh yang pergi lebih dulu dari kami di sini.

Al-Fatihah.

Note: Up until this moment, I was still thinking about the demise of Zaidi and Fahmi. Their departure makes me realise that life is just too short to be wasted on doing things that are meaningless and superficial to me.

I have decided that from now onwards, I will choose a path that would actually give a meaningful impact to me and others in this world - just like what I did when I was a teacher nine years ago.

I won't say I was a perfect teacher, but I know to a certain extent, I have managed to touch some people's lives and heart.

Also, I now realised another important thing: Never, ever take the persons you love for granted, 'cause you never know whether they will still be around tomorrow...

Setinggi Kesyukuran

I'm sooooo happy!!!:-D

Syukur Alhamdulillah, doa saya baru-baru ini telah dimakbulkan Tuhan (tak perlulah saya ceritakan apakah doa itu kerana ianya terlalu personal...)

Oleh itu, saya rasa masanya sudah tiba untuk menunaikan niat dan janji saya kepadaNya yang telah sekian lama bersarang di dalam hati...

So everybody, just wait and see:-)